Noob in MNB2

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Noob in MNB
Icon noob.gif
The N00B hangout

The Complete and Total guide to acting stupid in Mud and Blood 2. This guide is made to unleash the inner noob in everybody. Strategies that you know are going to fail, but you are just so eager to try!

Also, in the case of a wiki "lockdown", where almost every page gets to a level of protection, this will probably be one of the only safe-havens for newly registered users to edit.

This guide is purely made to be funny, not offensive to anybody who may try these extremly N00B strategies out of knowledge and not insulting such persons.


Weapons, Beliefs, and What the N00B Does with them

  1. He buys a BAR for a Frenchie, then regrets it and downgrades back to Springfield.
  2. He gives BARs to inexperienced units with grenades and rifle grenades, sometimes leaving experienced ones with nothing but a shotgun.
  3. He arms inexperienced soldiers with grenades and rifle grenades(with horrible effect).
  4. He gives Frenchies shotguns, then puts them at the very bottom of the screen.
  5. He thinks a Tommy Gun is the most accurate and long range weapon ever.
  6. He thinks Springfields are rapid-fire laser guns with explosive bullets.
  7. He puts shotguns in the back because he thinks they have longest range.
  8. He gives BARs to Frenchies and then sends them on sabotage missions.
  9. He never arms experienced soldiers with grenades because he thinks that they don't need them.
  10. He thinks rifle grenades can pierce armor. And when he sees a tank and he has extra TP, he arms all of his Frenchies with rifle grenades.
  11. He tries to give the Germans!
  12. He wonders why his sniper isn't appearing.
  13. He think the guns in-game fire paint balls and the soldiers die of the pain.
  14. He thinks he is commanding British soldiers, and wonders why there aren't any Sten or Bren guns.
  15. He thinks the Germans get deployed with shotguns.
  16. He wonders why there are no Miniguns in the game.
  17. He thinks the BAR has unlimited ammo.
  18. He thinks the Shotgun has the longest range in the game.
  19. He thinks the M3 Grease Gun fires hot grease
  20. He thinks when people have flamethrowers they "throw" flame from their hands.
  21. He thinks his Flamethrower grabbed a wilted fire-flower from Mario, so they shoot big cones of flame instead of throwing fireballs.
  22. He thinks when a soldier has rifle grenades the soldier throws his rifle.
  23. He thinks that it is possible to give Sherman Tank a BAR.
  24. He thinks that Tommy gun is a cheat and never gives it to his soldiers.
  25. He thinks that the Pistol is the most powerful weapon in the game, and the most accurate.
  26. He wonders why he can't share his guns with Germans.
  27. He thinks that giving a Frenchie a BAR and Heroism will make him invisible, indestructible and completely immune to Naval Artillery.
  28. He tries to give BAR to a Sniper.
  29. He thinks it is possible to buy a Scoped Springfield and a Bazooka.
  30. He thinks that Springfield has an ammo belt of 1000 bullets.
  31. He tries to give his medics BARs.
  32. He thinks that a Springfield bullet is enough to wreck a tank.
  33. He thinks that its possible to buy MP-40 and Kar98k.
  34. He thinks that Frenchies can destroy a tank if they are armed with a Springfield.
  35. He thinks that only Frenchies can shoot down planes.
  36. He thinks friendly fire is when his friends are trolling him.
  37. He thinks that you can buy silencers, scopes and extended mags for his men.
  38. He wonders why a Tiger Tank does not blow up when an officer fires at it with his pistol.
  39. He tries to give a BAR to Jeeps and Fifties.
  40. He tries to take a mortar away from a Mortar trooper, thinking he doesn't know how to use it since he only has Rifle skill.
  41. He thinks the M3 Grease Gun is an MP-40.
  42. He thinks he can give Rifle Grenades to a soldier with a BAR, because it's a Browning Automatic RIFLE (DUH.).
  43. He thinks that his engineers can fix his vehicles since his icon is a pair of wrenches.
  44. He thinks that Cam Nets make his soldiers invisible, then gets confused when everyone under the cam net gets killed by a single PAK-38.
  45. He thinks that when a soldier fires his Springfield, everyone living in Springfield will shoot the Germans with them.
  46. He wonder why he cant buy AK-47's.
  47. He thinks that the Germans also start with Springfields.
  48. He thinks he can kill a Zombie using a soldier with a Bayonet.
  49. He thinks that Santa gives Guns and TP. (because his men are good boys!)
  50. He thinks giving his supplies to Germans will convince them that they are attacking somebody "nice" and stop attacking him.
  51. He thinks the Land Mattress is the most effective and accurate weapon in the game.
  52. He never uses Gunners because they waste too much ammo.

What the N00B does with Land Mattresses

  1. He puts them in a Pillbox for protection.
  2. He places them at the top of the screen to "pound German lines."
  3. He thinks they are controlled by the Germans.
  4. He thinks his men can sleep on one.
  5. He tries to remove the metal from one to "give his men a more comfortable rest."
  6. He thinks it can shoot at airplanes.
  7. He pulls it back because "I7 w0n7 de57r0y 7h3 7anks!"
  8. He thinks that it is the most armored unit in the game.
  9. He puts a Land Mattress way at the back and puts all his men at the front and fires the land mattress.
  10. He then screams and shoots at the PC when the land mattress blows up his troops.
  11. He doesn't know how to reload it.

Allied Units, Beliefs and how the N00B punishes them

Allied Unit
The N00B
Std unit allied french idle.gif
No specialty icon
Starting equipment:
Average stats:
Health Rifle Exp Morale Speed
50 1-5 -1 1-10 1px/s
A weak, pathetic, worthless meatshield. Very prone to running away and is stupid as hell, considered a threat to himself like the other guy. Grenadiers will throw a grenade, then he picks it up and eats it because it looked like a small pineapple.
  1. When he sees one of his soldiers get killed he yells, "I'M ON YOUR FRIGGIN' TEAM!"
  2. He always places Flamethrowers in a bunker filled with officer ranked SpecOps.
  3. He thinks that when he sends an inexperienced Frenchie to sabotage, he will kill Hitler, destroy Berlin and will survive to serve again.
  4. When he sent a Frenchie to sabotage. He thinks Hitler screamed and was shot by a MAS-38 the frenchie used.
  5. He uses a Flamethrower to suicide on enemy troops and vehicles. (but most the time, before he reaches anything, he dies first)
  6. He deploys Frenchies. ONLY.
  7. He loves to put valuable troops into arty/bomb range "BECAUSE IT IS FUN T0 SEE GUTS FALLING EVERYWHERE!!"
  8. He buys mortars when his troops are at the top of the screen.
  9. He bunches 5 mortars under a cam-net and yells at his computer when they don't work.
  10. He thinks Frenchies are the best units.
  11. He thinks gunners shoot down aircraft too.
  12. After buying a Tank , he sends to attack Panzerschrecks.
  13. After buying a Jeep , he has it charge all of the Waffen SS.
  14. After buying a SpecOps, with 10 TP left , he doesn't give him Ranger Training, he just spends it all for Naval Artillery. (and if, for some reason, he survives, he charges the next tank he sees.)
  15. If he buys an AAA and wants to place it somewhere , he places it RIGHT at end of map's upper side.
  16. He orders a Land Mattress, then decides to move his men up to get a TP.
  17. He then screams when he figures out he can't go back.
  18. He retreats his best soldiers to "train the inexperienced ones".
  19. He thinks putting troops behind boulders and in trees makes them vulnerable to rock and wood splinters.
  20. He thinks putting troops in flammable areas will increase defense against flamethrowers.
  21. He believes that Officers can change weapons.
  22. He thinks Spec. Ops. are all clones of Sarge. (they actually are his little brothers.)
  23. He thinks that a Scout is the slowest unit.
  24. He thinks that the signaller is the fastest unit.
  25. He thinks a Jeep has more armor than a tank.
  26. He thinks snipers can shoot mid-air bombs; so he orders a sniper, places all his troops and the sniper in the middle of the map, waits for a german bomb drop, and does not build any bunkers.
  27. He puts mortars in front, then screams when he thinks they are taking a nap because they lay down.
  28. He puts mortars in back, then screams when they kill his own men
  29. He hopes a Sherman tank will say "sure man".
  30. He arms Frenchies with Tommy guns, and places them at the bottom of the map and complains when they don't hit anything.
  31. He deploys bazooka men in the back lines of his defense, then he wonders why they killed his own units.
  32. As soon as he sees a soldier with decent rifle and morale he uses tactical retreat because he thinks it will get him 20 TP.
  33. He thinks that 50 cals are indestructible.
  34. He deploys Frenchies because blue is his favorite color.
  35. He thinks that putting units in pillboxes makes them fire faster.
  36. He wishes the soldiers would really use the toothpaste and socks they get in supply drops.
  37. He thinks that Land Mattress can launch people to the enemy position.
  38. He puts a mortar in front of his troops because they cause explosions.
  39. He thinks that he can designate targets no matter how many times the tips tell him it's not true.
  40. He tells his engineer to kamikaze an Opel Blitzwagen.
  41. That same engineer is killed by the Volkstrumm passenger.
  42. He "knows" that the medic uses the medigun in TF2!!
  43. When (if. definitely if.) he gets the rank of MnB General, he spends his TP's on 5 Land Mattress's.
  44. He thinks that getting anyone to officer rank will turn them into an officer, so he withdraws his officer ranked units for TP.
  45. He spams the field with Frenchies to get a Spec. Ops. without the Special Operations Ribbon.
  46. He is a stout believer that "everyone can be a minesweeper," but didn't know that the saying ends with "once".
  47. He sends high-ranking soldiers to other battlefields, so they can lead others to fictory.
  48. He thinks a Land Mattress is a type of bed for the soldiers.
  49. He never deploys SpecOps because he hates the color Red.
  50. He never deploys Medics because he hates the sight of bloodied Bandages.
  51. He never deploys Sarge, Jeeps, or Tanks because he hates the color green.
  52. He thinks he can reassemble gibbed troops by retrieving their organs and stitching them together.
  53. He thinks that Hitler is personally commanding the Germans.
  54. He calls paratroopers when he sees a ton of trees.
  55. He cries as the paratroopers get caught in trees and shredded by the Germans.
  56. He thinks that putting mortars under a cam net will make them Stealth mortars
  57. He wonders why his mortars won't fire....
  58. He puts his zooks in bunkers.
  59. He wonders why they won't fire....
  60. He thinks "Eureka!" as he realizes it's because their morale is too low, and don't feel like doing anything.
  61. He puts spec ops where snipers should be,and leaves his snipers in a pillbox, where they can snipe in peace.
  62. He tries to run over Germans with vehicles.
  63. He thinks that by not deploying vehicles he will earn a promotion for saving the vehicles.
  64. He thinks by giving sarge nothing but a Springfield, he can headshot all of the Germans.
  65. He thinks when the screen says "Germans changed their Tactics!", that the germans are going to attack from behind instead.
  66. He thinks that by spamming Frenchies, he can easily win against the Germans AND get a promotion in the process!
  67. He thinks by ordering a Artillery Strike with more than 1 TP, he will be given a nuke.
  68. He thinks by giving a SpecOps grenades, he will spam SOOOO many that the Germans will surrender!
  69. He reads the "Noob in MNB2" Section every day to see what to do next as Commanding N00B.
  70. He thinks that instead of giving his soldiers more Ammo to fight the Germans, he will give all of them Bibles to throw at the Germans.
  71. He thinks that the half-track is just a half of a track so he never deploys one.
  72. He thinks that if he buys two half-tracks, he can turn them into a whole track.
  73. He then sees that he cant buy two half-tracks, so he clicks it so much he gets another one.
  74. He immediately executes any officers that *somehow* rank up to First Lieutenant, because he thinks they will take control.
  75. He thinks that promoted officers will promote him, since they outrank him.
  76. He is furious that his men come with a low rifle skill so he places them around a TNT charge and gibs them all.
  77. He tactically retreats any soldiers with a rifle above 20, because he thinks they're overpowered.
  78. He creates trenches and puts all the soldiers in, right as a dozen PanzerGrenadiers arrive.
  79. He buys a Sniper, then looks for the biggest boulder on screen, and sends the sniper to it because "He can see enemies better from up there".
  80. He screams when the sniper is killed by a Flakpanzer.
  81. He says, "I know!" and orders his Engineer to put a pillbox on the boulder to "keep him safe while hes sniping"
  82. He screams when his sniper doesn't shoot anything.
  83. He then rage quits, smashes his computer and throws it out the window.
  84. He then buys another computer and does the whole process again.

What Does a N00B Think of Sarge

  1. He thinks that Sarge is weak, due to his smoking habits.
  2. He thinks that Sarge will feed his officers with powdered milk.
  3. He thinks Sarge will demoralize his troop because he yells at them all the time.
  4. He asks Sarge to withdraw because he doesn't want to breathe second-hand smoke.
  5. He thinks Sarge is Francis. (from L4D)
  6. He thinks that Sarge takes steroids. (that's why he has 125 hp)
  7. He thinks Sarge can throw pipe bombs and Molotov Cocktails.
  8. He thinks Sarge can throw nukes at the Germans.
  9. He wonders what happened to Zoey, Bill, and Louis.
  10. He gives Sarge a shotgun since it's Francis's favorite gun.
  11. He thinks, due to his description, Sarge will rearrange his troops when he's not looking.
  12. He thinks that whenever Sarge smokes, he will lose health.
  13. He thinks he can buy more than one Sarge, even when it tells him he can't.
  14. He manages to click so much it actually deploys two Sarges.
  15. He thinks that since Sarge gives exp to officers and morale to soldiers, he must give armor to vehicles!
  16. He believes Sarge is Charles de Gaulle of the french resistance.
  17. He thinks Sarge increases the amount of troops coming down because he is so POPULAR!
  18. He thinks Sarge will scare Germans away.
  19. He thinks he has the lowest rifle skill of all.
  20. He thinks that Sarge will never rank up due to his name.
  21. He calls Sarge a liar when he (somehow) ranks up.
  22. He thinks that Sarge will die randomly of lung disease mid-battle.
  23. He thinks Sarge will kill a Wespe from staring at it
  24. He yells at Sarge when he's standing in front of a Wespe and he gets slaughtered.
  25. He thinks you can spam Sarges.
  26. He thinks that Sarge is a Frenchie in green.
  27. He thinks anything can beat Sarge in CQC.
  28. He uses tactical retreat on Sarge if Sarge has a bayonet if Germans get too close, so Sarge won't cut himself.
  29. He thinks Sarge is at his best when he charges and advances.
  30. He hides Sarge in a pillbox, because thats his "smoking" zone.
  31. He doesn't think Sarge is a bad a**.
  32. He thinks Sarge tea bags, when really he potato sacks.

What N00B thinks of Frenchies

  1. He thinks they have the highest rifle.
  2. He thinks they come in 500 health.
  3. He thinks a Frenchie goes around kissing the Germans on their checks.
  4. He thinks they cost 12 points like Sarge and can only be deployed once.
  5. He thinks that he can make his soldiers eat the pizza when the Frenchie gets killed.
  6. He thinks that after he sabatoges, the Frenchie kills a Waffen SS and Hitler screamed!
  7. He never deploys Frenchies because he d03sN7 w4n7 7h3m t0 g3t hUr7!1!!
  8. He thinks Frenchies serves frenchfries that makes soldiers NCO.
  9. He thinks that Frenchies are ideal for fighting infiltrators and zombies in CQC.
  10. He thinks Frenchies are great long range rifle grenadiers so he puts his most valuable men in front of them and screams when the Frenchies kill his men.
  11. He uses them to get Halloween and CQC ribbon without giving them any bayonets.
  12. He wonders why that Frenchies have 75 health.
  13. He thinks that Frenchies are the best units ever in the Mud and blood series.
  14. He thinks that Frenchie WILL Sabotage a German HQ when it is 0 EXP.
  15. He then gets a Frenchie and an Officer and sends the Frenchie right behind the German lines after deploy to sabotage.
  16. He then wonders why there is gunfire and screaming.
  17. He thinks that Frenchies are the Allied equivalent of a Tiger tank, Wespe, and Nebelwerfer, all combined together!!!

Things the N00B does with a Half-Track

  1. He buys a half-track, then leaves it sitting around gathering dust.
  2. He starts to use the half-track, but believes the fifty on it is a uber fifty when in fact all it will do is fire it's machine-gun at enemies while being unable to destroy tanks.
  3. If a Panzer Company Blitz comes and he has a half-track, he will invest all his TP into turning into a field hospital.
  4. He believes the half-track can carry all mods so he tries to equip with a quad cannon, a field hospital and a AT cannon.
  5. He curses and screams then starts crying as he realizes it replaces it's old mod with the new mod.
  6. He believes the quad cannon can shoot rockets and hence buys it most of the time.
  7. He tries to make 6 half-tracks and equip them with AT cannon.
  8. He Gives it a Field Hospital mod and sends it all the way behind a minefield he build
  9. He gives it a quad fifty, then drives it in front of a Panzershreck and leaves it there.
  10. He does not upgrade the halftrack because he thinks its gonna be too heavy to move.
  11. He won't build the mobile HQ until after wave 100, (if he even makes it there) because he thinks then it gives him more TPs.

Axis Units and What the N00B Cares to Do With Them

Axis Unit
Std unit axis volkssturm idle.gif
Average stats:
Health Rifle Exp
50 1 0
Morale Speed Priority
-1 1 px/s Dead last
Coward, N00B.
A German N00B equivalent. They have better exp, but worse rifle/morale. Well..... not so cool on the frontline.
  1. He complains that there are bugs in the game when he cannot order Panzergrenadiers, Wehrmacht, or Volkssturm to fight with him.
  2. Whenever he sees 10 Volkssturms , he exits.
  3. Whenever he sees an Opel Blitzwagen or a Sd. Kfz. 251, he quits.
  4. He thinks Hitler, Himmler, Goering and Jodl are the enemies in Wave 100
  5. He thinks Wespes and Tigers are easy, mainly because he's never had to fight one.
  6. He thinks Volkssturm are super soldiers with 1000 health and 1000 rifle and 1000 morale.
  7. He wonders why there aren't any Japanese soldiers.
  8. He thinks Light Infiltrators have dual MG34s.
  9. He calls 15 Panzergrenadiers an OMGWTFBBQ Blitz wave!
  10. He thinks Tiger Tanks are controlled by tigers.
  11. When he sees a Tiger Tank , he deletes you , then your mother , then your dad and finally he deletes your house.
  12. When a Wespe comes, he sends a soldier in front of it because he thinks that the soldier will stick his finger in the wespe's gun and block the shell.
  13. When he sees a Wespe, he sends all of his NCO's out of his bunker to make the Wespe thinks he's overwhelmed.
  14. He thinks a Wespe is actually a giant wasp which can poison your units with a giant sting.
  15. He thinks those German officers are Jewish.
  16. He thinks Tigers are his missing pets.
  17. He thinks those German pilots are the mines, so he tells his men not to get too close.
  18. He sends his officer spec-ops out of his bunker to try and CQC a Flak Tank.
  19. He sends his officer spec-ops to try to "take over" Tiger Tanks and Wespes
  20. He thinks there is something fun about Wespes.
  21. He thinks zombies are very easy to kill like the ones in L4D.
  22. He moves his men to zombies to get them infected, move past the German lines, and eat Hitler.
  23. He believes that the panzerschreck is so accurate he won't even deploy vehicles.
  24. He thinks there is something very funny about the Wespe .
  25. He thinks Assault Pioneers are the worst German unit.
  26. When he see's a VolkN00B (As seen on the right) he instantly quits.
  27. His squad gets OWNED by a Volksstrum.
  28. He thinks a Flakpanzer drives on Kerosine
  29. He rage quits when he sees a German tank
  30. When a German vehicle appears, he pauses the game in hopes that it will run out of gas.
  31. When a Wespe comes on, he puts a Frenchie with a bayonet in front to CQC.
  32. He thinks he doesn´t need protection against 222´s.
  33. He then yells at his computer when a single 222 destroys his entire defense

The world and the N00b.

  1. He thinks he is the hero of the war by killing his troops by sending artillery strikes and bombarding and giving them no weapons but a Springfield.
  2. He uses paratroopers in a forest!
  3. He thinks a soldier cant rank up to Sergeant, because there is only one Sarge
  4. When he encounters a zombie, he sends Sarge away because he thinks "Francis" needs a break from zombies.
  5. He sees a Volkstrumm and wastes 9 tactical points to get 3 bomb drops before finally killing the Volkstrumm and also gibbing all his soldiers in the process.
  6. He has 24 TP and uses them on 2 paratroopers in a map full of trees because he thinks they will land in them and shoot from the trees at the enemy.

Orders, beliefs, and how the N00B "uses" them

Xx command 2order 08morale.gif
Officer(preferably experienced)
Lowers exp, rifle, and morale, at a chance to get the N00Bification Medal
A morale boost taken to brainwashing.....but in a non-helpful way. It makes the soldiers forget why they fight, become dependent on their officer, and eventually die.
  1. He orders concentrate fire on Volksturmms when there are 3 MG-42 gunners out there.
  2. He never tries to hide from arty and bombs.
  3. If he somehow survives bombs and/or arty, better Panzergrenadiers will kill his men before he will put them back in positions.
  4. He taunts whenever there's a Tiger Tank or Wespe on the screen.
  5. When he sees a Blitz Wave , he quits (extreme situation: he sends Naval Arty , and before it explodes , he quits.)
  6. When he gets over 6 troops, he bunches them in and around mushrooms.
  7. He puts 20 Frenchies under one Cam Net and taunts until he sees a Leib come.
  8. He uses the "All around defense" command in 'critical' situations with no enemy troops.
  9. He thinks swearing at the Germans will make them all run away.
  10. He thinks taunting the Germans will scare the next wave away.
  11. When an enemy tank appears, he orders tactical withdraw to all his bazookas and mortars.
  12. When he is 2nd Lieutenant (read: always) he is trying to use Last Stand option.
  13. When a Tiger comes, he sends his men on top of it because he thinks that his men will climb inside and clear it out.
  14. He pressed 2-6 when he saw the D-day map.
  15. He orders his men to walk over his own mines, thinking it will make them a super-soldier.
  16. When a Wespe appears he will try to stick a Spec Ops hand into the shell.
  17. He orders his men to ride an Opel Blitz .
  18. He orders his men to sit down with the Germans for a cup of coffee.
  19. He wants to steal the Brandenburg uniforms, so he puts his men up into close range with them.
  20. He thinks that the "Incoming arty!" message means he has to send all his troops out of his bunker.
  21. He tries to Tactical Withdraw a Wespe.
  22. He removes his men out of the Pillbox when he's being attacked by arty.(Having mistaken it for a bunker)
  23. The version is now 2.2.7a so now he starts to deploy vehicles.
  24. When he needs heavy firepower he sends in a jeep,instead of a tank or the halftrack
  25. He will use tanks during massive infantry waves.
  26. He tries to command the Germans to Hold Fire!
  27. He tries selling gibbed soldiers' body parts for tactical points.
  28. He orders morale boost to an soldier with over 500 morale!
  29. He puts all his troops into a mortar pit and trenches when there is a panzergrenadier blitz and they are advancing quickly.
  30. He uses all round defense when he has 2 soldiers on the field. One is an officer and the other is a frenchie.
  31. He tries to retreat the Germans that are on OMGWTFBBQ blitz.

How the N00B Interprets Tips

  1. He never bothers to lay explosives or build defenses after learning that enemy engineers can destroy them.
  2. He believes that he's being trolled when it says, "don't be a noob" and therefore continues with his activity of using all his TP's to gib Frenchies for fun.
  3. When he is told he can hit the shift key and hide the order panel, he does so and then proceeds to rage after not receiving directions on how to make it appear again.
  4. When told, "use explosives to shape your battlefield", he thinks he can use grenades and TNT to change the shape of the game's screen.
  5. He tries to give his computer a lecture on the Golden Rule when told that "this game will not treat you fairly".
  6. When it says, "you can only deploy 100 men", he thinks that he must deploy exactly 100 men each game.
  7. After learning of the Volkssturms' low morale, he uses concentrate fire on every one he sees to make it run away.
  8. A tip tells him to protect his troops by putting tanks in front of them, so he does so by moving all his tanks to the very top of the screen.
  9. After being told "Germans will lose 150 tanks", he is confused when a single Wespe wipes out his entire squad, thinking that the mere historical fact would also apply in his game.
  10. He thinks the tip "Don't bunch all your guys at the same spot" is the enemy trying to trick him.
  11. He only pays attention to the first part of "any soldier can be a minesweeper . . . once", and uses his officers to "sweep" his unneeded mines.
  12. He tries to use suppressive fire on abandoned positions because he was told "the only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions."
  13. He tries to take a nap, thinking it will cause an officer to spawn in a hurry.
  14. He thinks that since "mine fields are not neutral", they must be on his side, making them safe for his men to walk over.
  15. He acts stupid, thinking it will give him more important missions to do.
  16. He buys only cheap weapons so he won't have to send them far away to be repaired.
  17. He thinks the tip "never hand grenades to recruits" is just the game trying to make him fail, so he ignores it.
  18. He thinks eating a lot of fruit and vegetables will help him win the game.
  19. When he sees the "All your base are belong to us" tip, he surrenders.

Constructions, Beliefs, and Why the N00B Builds Them

Std structure fieldhq extra.gif
  • Commanded by N00Bs
  • More fragile than fragile.
  • Can change gameplay in bizarre ways...
  • Can be ordered to help a commander achieve rank "N00B"
A N00B's commanding structure.
  1. He places his HQ tent all the way into the enemy lines.
  2. He never lays any TNT and Booby Traps with engineers "B3C4US3 1 D0NT W4NN4 L0S3 M0N3H!"
  3. He lays Cam Nets in waves with a lot of German Recons.
  4. He thinks a Field HQ is the best defensive structure.
  5. He thinks placing snipers in a trenched bunker will increase firing rate.
  6. He protects his men from grenades with a cam-net.
  7. He thinks hiding in a bunker will protect him from a V-1.
  8. He thinks sandbags protect against arty.
  9. He thinks a HQ tent will give him double as much TP it gave him when it is captured or destroyed.
  10. He waits until he has gained lots of TP, then sets multiple TNTs around it.
  11. He watches the "firework display" as he calls it.
  12. He then wonders why his TP is -25.
  13. He thinks that cam-nets are the best defense against bullets.
  14. He thinks trenches protect your men best when they are in grenade range.
  15. He thinks bunkers protect against flamethrowers.
  16. He puts an AAA below a pillbox to keep it safe.
  17. He thinks the trench can give a faster fire rate to the mortar than the mortar pit.
  18. He thinks using an antenna gives a force-field to protect his men.
  19. He thinks that MG gunners are best in a pillbox as opposed to a bunker.
  20. He is wondering why his men can't grab the tommy gun on the palisade.
  21. He lays barbed wire on his engineer.
  22. He puts a sarge and a NOOB officer inside a pillbox so nobody can interfere sarge while he is teaching his officer.
  23. He thinks your men CAN'T shoot out of a sandbag.
  24. He thinks a bunker is a sandbag and because of the above he doesn't build them.
  25. He thinks pillboxes will relieve headaches.
  26. He makes a line of barb wire and mines in front of his men then rages when he realizes he can't get out
  27. He sees a Tiger Tank or any armored vehicle and he withdraws all his explosive infantry because he thinks that the tank will target it first because it's a danger to it.
  28. He puts barbed wire directly in front of trenches to protect his men from grenade blasts, stop advancing infantry in their tracks, and pop the tires of enemy vehicles.
  29. He only uses only TNT to give his men cover because they're "quick and easy" and "are less of a hassle than digging a trench."
  30. He screams and immediately surrenders when he attempts to replace his crater after it had faded away, without moving his men out.
  31. He thinks when he saw two dead officers after a HQ blown, it needs a cam net.
  32. He wonders why there are arty and bomb drops after putting a cam net on the HQ, not realizing that a Leib render his cam nets.
  33. He thinks pillboxes saves his soldiers from anything, not realizing the V1 main attack burned his soldiers to crisp inside.
  34. He thinks pillboxes are like bunkers.

Medals, What They Do, and How the N00B Thinks You Can Get Them

Honorary N00Bification
Icon noob.gif
Be the best N00B
Unlocks "The N00B" and a new game mode, "teddy time"!
Real Life Medal?
  1. When he see that he got a medal, he cries: I LOVE YOU M0M or NAZlS R0CK!!!
  2. He thinks the Bronze Star gives his units invincibility.
  3. He thinks the Maneuver Ribbon gives his tanks a giant LLAAZZUUUURRR! (Mainly because he doesn´t have it)
  4. He really thinks you must eat all those pies to get the "I Like Pie" medal and tries it in one go!!!
  5. He ate 250 freshly baked McDonald's apple pies while playing MnB2 and is still waiting for the I Like Pie medal.
  6. He wants his refund for 250 apple pies from McDonald's and all the stomach medicine for when he got sick.
  7. He thinks he gets the I Like Pie ribbon on his first crate.
  8. He thinks that when he gets the "Tank Killer" badge, all tanks die on contact with his cursor.
  9. He thinks getting the "BBQ" badge enables BBQ parties.
  10. He thinks getting the Kyoto Ribbon will cause a total global warming catastrophe the day after he gets it!
  11. He thinks getting the Kyoto Ribbon will make all the trees indestructible!!
  12. He thinks that if you complete 50% of these "missions," you win the Ultimate Noobiness Badge making the game fair.
  13. He thinks that "Ultimate Noobiness" will make him win.
  14. He thinks that you can get a medal for blowing up 100 rocks.
  15. He thinks Guerrilla Warfare medal is earned by building a fort.
  16. He thinks Guerrilla Warfare is Gorilla Warfare.
  17. He thinks that there is a medal for hiring 500 Frenchies
  18. He thinks the only way to get a Halloween ribbon is "trick or treat" the Germans.
  19. He thinks he can kill a tank with a pistol to earn the German's pistol. (Captain Miller from Saving Private Ryan, anybody?)
  20. He thinks he can get the Remembrance Day Ribbon by remembering the last time he played MnB.
  21. He wonders why people make such a big fuss over the Victoria Cross, and thinks he could earn it in one game, easy!
  22. He thinks CQC is the best way to get the Halloween Ribbon.
  23. He thinks you can get Urb's anatomy by blowing up your own men, and thus does so.
  24. He is going for Guerrilla Warfare when he sees Santa and calls in naval artillery.
  25. He thinks that the only way to get the Guerrilla Warfare Ribbon is to deploy gorrilas!
  26. When he receives the Meritorious Unit Commendation medal, he thinks ALL of his unit equip M1 Garands. Even medics, Sarge,bazookas so he resets his profile.
  27. When he gets the I like Pie ribbon, he can throw pies at the Germans!

Landscape Features and How The N00B Thinks of Them

  1. He thinks those white smoke clouds are chlorine gas.
  2. He thinks mushrooms on the battlefield will provide extra experience points.
  3. He thinks the leaves are mines.
  4. If he doesn't like the current terrain of the battlefield he surrenders.
  5. He clumps his men around Mushrooms.
  6. He thinks logs provide cover.
  7. He thinks dead trees provide cover.
  8. He thinks dud stands for "Dummies Underestimate Duds", because he does. Really.
  9. He thinks ponds provide water support.
  10. He thinks ponds provide water for his men's canteens.
  11. He tells his men to eat those mushrooms so it makes his men bigger, and even throw fireballs.
  12. He thinks that land-mines are ration tins.
  13. He thinks duds are supply crates so he bunches his man around it so they can obtain the supply.
  14. He wonders why there isn't any rain.
  15. He wonders why there isn't any grass, not realizing the entire screen is green...
  16. He thinks he can command his men throw rocks at the Germans!
  17. He thinks he can use dropped weapons and asks a mortar to pick up a dud V1!!
  18. He thinks mushrooms are duds that will create huge mushroom cloud explosions.
  19. He thinks bullet holes provide cover.
  20. He orders all his men onto the biggest rock on the screen so they can get a better view.
  21. He spends his time trying to pick flowers, gather leaves to use as camouflage, and use bushes to act as one-man camnets.

How the N00B Thinks the Germans Hacked the Game

Axis Unit
Jerry Hacker
Std unit axis ssleibstandarte idle.gif
Barret .50 cal, Metalstorm strike flare, Deployable Minigun, Infinite arty & air support, Re-con equipment, Game's control module
Average stats:
Health Rifle Exp
90+ 100
Morale Speed Priority
19 px/s ?
Yikes! This guy kicks butt and does it in style. Don't stare him down! He hacks the game like the rules on the left.
  1. He has *Cough* magic bad luck of his Frenchies falling in a bunker filled with elite soldiers while burning.
  2. He thinks that a Total Blitzkrieg is a type of enemy unit.
  3. He wonders why there aren't any Nazi zombies, so he adds some (Then he realizes that there are and runs away screaming)!
  4. He thinks that Tiger I is a German cheat, and fixes the Tank.
  5. He thinks talking to the game will promote him.
  6. He thinks that when he wins the Germans hacked the game.
  7. He thinks that surrendering means that he makes the enemy quit and that then he can declare victory.
  8. He thinks that Blitz Wave is a cheat, and makes it so!
  9. He wants the game to have auto-turrets, so he builds some.
  10. He wants AK-47's for the Germans.
  11. When he saw the word "Brandenburg" on the screen of MNB2, he thought he got a ribbon that can stop Germans from hacking.
  12. When he saw he had the word "Wanker" on his rank screen. He thought it was a rank to make the Germans stop hacking.
  13. He thinks the Germans are hacking because they can deploy as many troops as they want while he can only deploy 100.
  14. He thinks that when a lone Panzergrenadier absolutely pwns his squad of 7 frenchies with a single grenade, the game is glitched and he sends angry e-mails to Urb.

Blitz Waves, what the N00B thinks of them and how he abuses them

  1. He calls 20TPs worth of naval artillery on a Volkssturm Blitz.
  2. He gives large amounts of exp to soldiers on a Sniper Blitz wave.
  3. He builds bunkers over his soldiers on a combined arms blitz
  4. He calls 5 Frenchies when he gets an Arty Blitz wave.
  5. He Surrenders when he sees a Volkssturm Blitz.
  6. He thinks he wins the game if he beats the OMGWTFBBQ blitz wave
  7. He thinks the sniper blitz is the easiest blitz in the game.
  8. He waves his hands with joy when he gets an arty blitz wave
  9. He thinks that spamming Frenchies is the best way to counter a Waffen SS Blitz.
  10. He thinks the Germans are hacking when he can't hit one with a shotgun when they are at the top of the screen
  11. He thinks the sniper bullets are homing and go through up to 10 enemies so he gets 2 snipers when he gets blitzed.
  12. He gets all his soldiers into a pillbox when theres a blitz because "Its the ultimate protection" and destroys his computer when his soldiers don't shoot.
  13. He gets all his low exp/morale soldiers right in front of a Waffen SS to steal their waffles and get more EXP/morale.
  14. He thinks the Paratrooper Blitz is paranormal because the game says "Para Blitz wave!"
  15. He thinks the Waffen SS hacked the game because they can run and shoot (like scouts).

What the N00B Does With Support

  1. When he finally gets 20 TP, he busts it on Naval Artillery without ever building a bunker or pillbox.
  2. He thinks V-1 Rockets carry supplies and that crates explode when you get near them.
  3. He thinks V1 and V2 refer to energy drinks and sends troops to where he thinks they would land.
  4. He thinks that Ranger Training turns soldiers into park rangers and allows them to call in "bear strikes" instead of "air strikes"!
  5. He tries to send Naval Arty in critical situations when he has 0 TP.
  6. He tells his man to run away from the smoke screen because he thinks it is chloride gas.
  7. He tries to send bombers to attack but his TP is 0.
  8. He buys a tank, then uses Naval Artillery.
  9. He uses CAS while trying to advance.
  10. He believes all air medals will nerf the actual air-strikes instead of increasing their power
  11. He believes air commanders don't actually use their squads merely calling in wave after wave of ACS and bomb drops on the Axis and call them cowards,then realizes that their squadron mops up any survivors
  12. After insulting an air commander he will try and stop his forces with bomb drops and ACS,realizing that the air commander will call air superiority then call his own ACS and a bomb drop 3 times,wiping out any survivors with his squad.
  13. After calling an CAS the noob will move his forces to the upper half of the field,only to find his plane shredding his own men as well
  14. He believes the axis Flak Panzer can and will shoot his airplanes down
  15. If a Flak Panzer comes onto the field he orders tactical withdrawal on his signalers,he only does this though becuase of the above fact
  16. He believes Air superiority increases his air power
  17. He thinks even the grass or pond will hurt his paratroopers,so he never uses paratroopers.
  18. He thinks when he has a arty blitz he called it in.
  19. He thinks that duds is a antenna that will faster the radio communications.

What a N00B thinks about friendly fire

  1. He thinks that if there is any friendly fire, his friends will shoot him 2h after his man got blown up
  2. He causes friendly fire because, like said he thinks it`s friendly
  3. He thinks that by causing enough friendly fire he will achieve a ribbon which will make wespes fight for him.
  4. So he puts his all mens around a TNT blast and B00M!!! they blow up.
  5. He then brakes his computer when raged because he D1DN7 G37 TH3 R18B0N
  6. After paying 2000 dollars of a new computer he does this all again
  7. He thinks that FF means Final Fantasy.
  8. He thinks FF means Force Field.
  9. He thinks his soldiers have force fields when he goes over the grenade option and it says "Be careful, ff is on"
  10. He sends his frenchies to CQC because he thinks they have force fields.
  11. He rages after his army of 10 frenchies get owned, only killing 2 Volksturm.

What the N00B Thinks of Game Mechanics and History

Allied Unit
N00Bchanic/ Historian
Std unit allied mechanic idle.gif
No specialty icon
Starting equipment:
Average stats:
Health Rifle Exp Morale Speed
90 1 1 1 10px/s
Historian, Rule-Writer
Hehehe! This man re-writes the rules of the game, to fit his "historical" criteria, as described on the left.
  1. When he can't fight anymore, he doesn't let himself die to lose like men, he just gives up like a little girl.
  2. He survives an average of 5 waves per game.
  3. He thinks this game will treat him fairly.
  4. He thinks he is in charge of the German forces and is attacking the Allies.
  5. He thinks that he wins the game at wave 80.
  7. He thinks Mud and Blood 2 should have an M-16 rifle, an M4A1 rifle, and an M1 Abrams Tank.
  8. He thinks pushing the keyboard buttons "2, 6" will make him win the game.
  9. He thinks this is a cheap copy of "Modern Warfare".
  10. He thinks he can only play deploy game when he ranks up to MNB general.
  11. He thinks ideas under the forum topic "Humorous Suggestions" will actually be implemented.
  12. He thinks if you complete 90% of these "missions" it will make him max rank.
  13. He thinks killing Santa will make him be able to fire snowballs at the Germans.
  14. He arranges infantry in swastika formation and thinks it will scare the Germans.
  15. He doesn't know that he is commanding an allied squad.
  16. He saves up hundreds of TP's so he can buy a B-29 Superfortress and an atomic bomb to "finally win the game".
  17. He is wondering why there aren't any railguns.
  18. He thinks the creator of this game is his wife.
  19. He thinks that A-bombs are practical battlefield weapons.
  20. He thinks that he is fighting a combined army of Russians, Middle Eastern terrorists, Viet-Cong, Brits, and Mexicans.
  21. He thinks that a "Healthy Dose of URB" means an easy game.
  22. He thinks that Mud and blood 2 is in Iraq.
  23. He doesn't understand the concept of speed, and thus sends Signalers to get crates.
  24. He thinks he gets a nuke after killing 25 Germans. He never made it that far though.
  25. He thinks he is a combat medic.
  26. He thinks WW2 happened five years ago.
  27. He thinks World War 2 means that aliens were attacking because its WORLD War 2.

What a N00B Thinks of Crates

  1. He thinks that getting maps and new orders means he MUST advance.
  2. He thinks getting a detailed orders crate tells the enemies in the next 1000000 waves.
  3. He thinks crates with AMMO allow him to reload every weapon immediately.
  4. He thinks that 105 mm shells are good for his offensive!
  5. He thinks he can get an extra sarge in the crate.
  6. He thinks toothpaste is useful.
  7. He walks his men over exploded supplies because he thinks they can use them.
  8. He thinks umbrellas deflect grenades
  9. He never gets crates near him because of the quote "The unpackaging and assembly instructions are always inside the crate"
  10. He thinks opening crates damages the merchandise in it, because of the above quote.
  11. He wonders why crates explode into supplies, never body parts because there are soldiers in them.
  12. He thinks getting crates will give him three new troops, like it does with the Germans.
  13. He blows up crates to search for soldiers... If they gib with body parts, he sends medics to stitch him back together.
  14. He thinks that he can get a tank from one!
  15. He thinks that he will get magic powers from a crate.
  16. He thinks that the crates are mines so he commands his men to never go near them!
  17. He hates crates so much he blows up all crates with TNT.
  18. He thinks supply crates are care packages like in MW2.
  19. He thinks he can get an EMP, AC-130, or Tactical Nuke.
  20. He thinks crates are bunkers.
  21. He thinks that some crates are booby trapped like in MW3 so he never gets them.
  22. He thinks crates are enemy bombs so he screams his head off when one falls and then says "phew, its a dud" when it lands. (But he still keeps his soldiers away from it)
  23. He thinks crates give a ray gun, thundergun, 20 rifle, and 10 exp to the soldier who gets it.
  24. He thinks crates can give him a fully ranked halftrack with all the mods.

Other/Miscellaneous N00B Things

  1. He thinks that editing this page will corrupt it.
  2. He can't spell NOOB right.
  3. He thinks being a NOOB means he's good at MnB2.
  4. He doesn't know who Hitler is.
  5. He believes there is a rank called "N00B", unlocked after MnB General, allowing many rumored things to happen.
  6. He thinks rendering the song "Happy Happy Joy Joy" on Youtube will make MnB more fair.
  7. He thinks rendering the song "All You Need is Love" on Youtube will make the Germans stop fighting.
  8. He thinks rendering the song "Du Hast" on Youtube will boost Germans' morale
  9. He thinks that listening to "A little respect" will make the game fair
  10. He thinks rendering the song "Ensure Always" will boost the Germans morale more.
  11. He thinks taunting Waffen SS will make them cry and run away like Volkssturm.
  12. He thinks that a good way to increase effectiveness in CQC and lower friendly fire is to replace bayonets with rifle grenades.
  13. He wonders why that there is no FPS mode.
  14. He wonders why there are no boomer bile,molotov cocktails and the pipe bombs.
  15. He wonders why the Germans are attacking him.
  16. He wonders why there are no killstreaks.
  17. He thinks Hitler was infamous for hitting on people because he is "Hit"ler.
  18. He doesn't know what is the meaning of URB

Please help make this guide more complete by adding more and more failure strategies. So come on, people! Unleash Your Inner Noob! Please remember now that you have to categorize your scenario. Place where you like.

What Would A REAL N00B Do?

He would take this as a real guide and try all these strategies.

'No more stuff after this point!

A to Z of MnB, Noobs must know this

Created by MuffinGrr

Word Definition
AH F***!!!! (aka grab your @$$es boys, aka when your ballz drop) Which is what you'll be saying when Urb decides to show off the inevitable "Wespe Blitz" wave. lol not even the bonus 100 tp will save you from the 10 Wespes that come down the screen like some sort of a plague.
Bersimon the chief mod
Cooldown the thing that has us ripping our hair out while waiting for concentrate fire
Death it is inevitable, all soldiers must experience it
Ecology seriously. stop blowing up trees
French the weaklings who are supposed to be protecting their Country
Gib the interesting effect when you give a unit some TNT
Hitler the guy that thought it would be funny to kill 6,000,000 Jewish people & 6,000,000 other people (total 12,000,000+ people)
Icky See "Gib"
Jeep your moving .50 HMG
Kar98 the basic rifle for the enemies
Leibstandarte the buggers that render your camnet ineffective
Mo-Tah (did i spell it right?)- the all-time most-poster, Mo-Tah had almost 4000 posts on UrbanProphet.
NEIN the word a German yells right before you shoot him in the eye.
Officer one of the most important units in your power
Panzerschreck Whiner
Quadrillion apparently the size of the German army you are fighting in this game
ReinFrenchments the Deputy
Samuli Vodka Connoisseur
Tazaraki the Sherrif
Urb the godly creator of this game.
Valthero Tiger Bait
Wespe this tank has ended hundreds of games from the time it was introduced
Xenophobia a fear of foreigners, it could be a possibility that Hitler was one of these
YES the phrase people say when they just got the Victoria Cross
Zomg the phrase that people type when they have just been owned. hard

A-Z of the wiki, these are things pertaining to the wiki

Word Definition
AvalancheO A new NCO and anti-vandalism
Branabus Wiki Officer, also anti-vandalism
Copyright Laws that force you to not copy information straight from a source
Deathbringer23 The second newest NCO, major contributer
Editor You are most likely one
Facepalm What you get when you say "l0l u shud ttly b abl 2 bl0w uP hItlr!!!!" in the suggestions area.
Grammar The #1 reason for minor edits
HTML Code used in the wiki
Hyyppa Newest wiki NCO
International state of the wiki, we're not all from one country
Joking Tolerable at limited levels
Kar98k One of the most re-directed to wiki page
Lockdown When too many vandals/spammers come here
Microsoft1122 Former picture uploader, NCO for a long time
NCO Can upload pics and protect pages
Officer can ban users
Promotions you'll get one when you need one!
Questions can be asked to any NCO/Officer
Riderx Wiki team leader and all-time editing # record holder
Soft A wiki where everyone can edit. Not here.
Talk pages sign these (--~~~~)
Upload When a file can be used on the wiki, reserved for NCO's/Officers/Admins
Valthero He deserves double mention
Watchlist pages you watch for edits
xHTML More wiki coding, good to know this
Yellow text this color is hard to read
Zundapp KS750 It's amazing how many redirects this page needs...

The N00B Guide Portal

As we all make more and more hilarious suggestions, I would like to unveil our newest addition, the N00B Guides page. Place strategies there if they are more "in-depth" than one sentence or so.

Terms Of Use

This page must have some regulations in order to keep everyone happy on such a controversial topic like this. Newly instated, follow these rules if you want to keep your edits in this guide.

1. Don't state controversial topics (i.e. Global Warming, BARs good or bad) as false or true, without showing facts.

2. Personal attacks are not acceptable. Place them on your own page if you want, but this guide is meant not to be offensive.

3. Don't use others' ideas without accreditation, it's plagiarism and it's bad.

4. Not a rule, but more of a suggestion: Use correct spelling!!! It makes editors mad to have to keep editing out grammar and spelling errors. Soldier is not spelled solider and the word "German" has a capitalized G.

Questions? Comments? Contact any of the staff members at their talk pages, or, for an overall suggestion, place that in the Maintenance Portal.

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