Community Creativeness Showcase.

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This topic contains 138 replies, has 24 voices, and was last updated by  Nicholas Andersen 21 hours, 6 minutes ago.

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  • #9042

    Nicholas Andersen
    Participant

    Lance, you’re actually the only one, ever, to give any kind of feedback on it. The other places I’ve posted it in have received zero comments. Once I got an “I’ll read it later.”

    After this is done I may go into the Choose Your Own Adventure genre.

    #9147

    Nicholas Andersen
    Participant

    I’ve gotten started with that Choose Your Own Adventure. It’s called Their Forgotten Story.

    The plot isn’t too brilliant, but CYOA plots never are. Essentially you and your friend either defend your town from escaped characters or go inside stories to find out why they’re escaping.

    Of course, there are going to be a lot of ways to die…but saying them here would spoil everything!

    #9160

    ZoMgY
    Participant

    @Nicholas Andersen

    I took a look at your book. I remember opening that google link up a year or so ago.

    I read several paragraphs. The story starts off nice with the conflict. My thing about the girl is, I want to know more about her hatred. I want to feel her hatred. I can’t connect to her. I understand her character though.

    Another thing I don’t like is that, when the girl starts freezing all her class mates and some start escaping, you don’t go in to details. You “tell” me what happens, but you don’t “show” me. Does that make sense?

    I want to know how her classmates felt when they were all being frozen. Were some scared, did some try to stop her? What did their faces look like? Did some pee their pants? Did some realize they had wronged her and got what they deserved?

    #9161

    Nicholas Andersen
    Participant

    1. This is good advice. The episode is undergoing a rewrite right now, actually.
    2. Mm. Could be. I’ve gone ahead and fixed a little bit of that.
    3. That part is not really central to the story, all the first bit is really for is to introduce Falcon more than the actual villain. Pretty sure I’m not going to explain EVERYTHING that happens, but it’s been expanded with a little of what you say. I don’t want this scene to play out like a school shooting any more than it already does. The story is not needlessly dark.

Viewing 4 posts - 136 through 139 (of 139 total)

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