- Sun, Jun 2nd '19 at 18h 57m 16s #9038
It’s alive, well sometimes at least. 🙂
It is so heartwarming to see you around again Bersimon.
I got the link. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IPvWjuJ3awNYnow0gFr2Cj_xyiomP6XKPZFohjBRbko/edit
Personally I think that it is a good read, just story telling wise.
Great setting description. And… ..
And at this point I am really sorry not to have given any feedback to the author.
@joacobanfield2 Thank you very much for sharing your work here with us.
I still have not finished reading your story but I like it very much.
So Bersimon. What is your standing towards this worldly work of art?Mon, Jun 3rd '19 at 21h 09m 19s #9042
Lance, you’re actually the only one, ever, to give any kind of feedback on it. The other places I’ve posted it in have received zero comments. Once I got an “I’ll read it later.”
After this is done I may go into the Choose Your Own Adventure genre.Wed, Sep 11th '19 at 21h 22m 54s #9147
I’ve gotten started with that Choose Your Own Adventure. It’s called Their Forgotten Story.
The plot isn’t too brilliant, but CYOA plots never are. Essentially you and your friend either defend your town from escaped characters or go inside stories to find out why they’re escaping.
Of course, there are going to be a lot of ways to die…but saying them here would spoil everything!Thu, Oct 17th '19 at 3h 41m 24s #9160ZoMgYParticipant
I took a look at your book. I remember opening that google link up a year or so ago.
I read several paragraphs. The story starts off nice with the conflict. My thing about the girl is, I want to know more about her hatred. I want to feel her hatred. I can’t connect to her. I understand her character though.
Another thing I don’t like is that, when the girl starts freezing all her class mates and some start escaping, you don’t go in to details. You “tell” me what happens, but you don’t “show” me. Does that make sense?
I want to know how her classmates felt when they were all being frozen. Were some scared, did some try to stop her? What did their faces look like? Did some pee their pants? Did some realize they had wronged her and got what they deserved?Fri, Oct 18th '19 at 17h 11m 29s #9161
1. This is good advice. The episode is undergoing a rewrite right now, actually.
2. Mm. Could be. I’ve gone ahead and fixed a little bit of that.
3. That part is not really central to the story, all the first bit is really for is to introduce Falcon more than the actual villain. Pretty sure I’m not going to explain EVERYTHING that happens, but it’s been expanded with a little of what you say. I don’t want this scene to play out like a school shooting any more than it already does. The story is not needlessly dark.Sun, Nov 10th '19 at 19h 23m 04s #9168
And after a little bit of work, I have finished Operation Flâneur
It’s a short, a little bit scary and somewhat inspired by the style of Borges.
Set in one of my earliest stories, Operation Flâneur can be resumed in a single sentence.
There has to be something left.
Read it here
Lance Edit to display a functioning link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IivUvbryHwTsrSOY1l0lgHfGqLjosIwyLygVT6Dw9GY/editFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 46m 28s #9221
SuperJpMegaFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 47m 40s #9222
Goofy during his tour in AfghanistanFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 49m 17s #9223
batmilkFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 51m 18s #9224
WinterFoxFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 52m 08s #9225
Trench ToastFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 53m 15s #9226
SatireFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 54m 02s #9227
henryhpFri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 55m 31s #9228Fri, Feb 7th '20 at 6h 56m 27s #9229
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